


Savior Complex

by Dangerosa



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hopeful Ending, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, Romance, Sad Addison Montgomery, Sad Meredith Grey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:27:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29345094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dangerosa/pseuds/Dangerosa
Summary: You love her like you've never wanted to love anybody.She loves you like she's wanted to be loved her whole life.It matches.In a way.But you don't. You can't.
Relationships: Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery
Comments: 11
Kudos: 17





	Savior Complex

**Author's Note:**

> Well hello there! I'm finally joining the MerAdd/Meddison ship after reading almost every single story written about them. I love impossible, never-will-be-canon-but-would-make-so-much-sense pairings, and women, and women who love women. And Addison Montgomery.

You kiss her and she cries and you don't think there's a happy ending for this.  
She holds you like she's afraid she'll die if she lets go. You know you will.  
You love her like you've never wanted to love anybody.  
She loves you like she's wanted to be loved her whole life.

It matches.  
In a way. 

But you don't. You can't.

The world is harsh and life is way too complicated and there's an ocean of untold things between Los Angeles and Seattle that you don't want to dive into. You'll drown if you try.  
She'll drown. Again. And you don't think someone can come back from that twice.

You can't risk losing her in an attempt to have her. You will not be Orpheus, you will not turn her into Eurydice.  
She deserves better.  
You don't. 

It matches.

You kiss her lips and taste her tears mixed with yours for the hundredth time. You kiss her forehead and she melts into your arms as she always has. You hold her to you, tightly, feeling her body against yours for what you think is the last time. You run your fingers through her dirty blonde hair and kiss her head and there's desperation and despair in every single one of your motions. And every single one of hers.

It matches. Your pain has always matched.  
You don't know if your healing does.  
You don't want to find out.  
You're too afraid she'll realize the answer is no.

You have to heal. You have to hurt to heal? The paradox of it has always made you cynical and at this very moment you hate that it makes sense. 

_You will be happy, you will be happy, I promise you you will be happy._

She doesn't believe you, says she doesn't care, that it can't be true without you.  
You're screwed up enough to believe the exact opposite.

Her I love you's are laced with _take me with you_ ,  
yours are laced with _please let me let you go._

She tells you she doesn't know if she can recover from this.  
_You underestimate yourself, Meredith._  
She kisses you as if to prove you wrong. As if to plead. It shatters your heart, but not your resolve.  
You tell her there's no other way. You tell she'll never be happy with you. You tell her the weight of you is too much for her to carry. You tell her you'll drown her.

As you walk out the door, she finally answers. 

_You underestimate me, Addison._

You close your eyes and pray to a God you don't even believe in that someway, somehow, (somewhere, someday), she's right.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry my first take at this was a sad one. I'm working on something longer and more comforting, but real life has been angsty lately and I needed to write something that matched my current mood, you know the feeling?  
> Anyway, I hope you ... Enjoyed it? And I would be happy to read your comments! (English is not my first language, so please be kind!)


End file.
